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Why News Year’s is the worst night of the year

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Israeli wordsmith Rachel Gross, submitted a hilarious piece on celebrating secular New Year for publication in JR Online.
by RACHEL GROSS | Dec 29, 2016

Magnet for misery

 


It’s the truth that no one wants to say….New Year’s Eve is just not what it’s cracked up to be.

It’s supposed to be best night of the year. The night when it all comes together. You’re ready in the perfect outfit, flawless makeup and hair a Kardashian would kill for. You count down to midnight on a Manhattan rooftop party surrounded by beautiful young things.

Across the dance floor, your eyes meet with the love of your life. You slowly make your way through the crowd just to reach them as the countdown starts. The world goes into slow motion as you move closer together…..

Rachel NY1Except you don’t.

You spend all the time from late November until 30 December debating where you’ll go for New Year’s Eve. Whatever the options were, you still end up at some-guy-called- Gary’s house party wishing you’d picked one of the other options. The new shoes make your feet blister.

Your hair is plastered to your face with sweat because even though there are 50 people crowded into a living room, the heating is still on. You have a fight with your significant other at 10.30 and by midnight you’re wishing you’d stayed at home.

Or maybe you did decide to stay home for the night. Save money on the babysitter and have dinner with a few friends. Trying that new recipe you saw on Tasty seemed like a great idea. If it can fit into a one minute Facebook video, it must be easy to make.

Now your thumb is still throbbing from the scalding chocolate escaping from the puff pastry. At 11 pm you stifle a yawn. When the clock strikes 12, you’re struggling to smile as you realize the baby will be up by 4 am.

What is it about New Year’s Eve that makes it such a magnet for misery? After all, it is supposed to be the best night of the year.

That’s exactly the problem. Nothing can live up to the hype. When you’re waiting to have the time of your life, it’s a guarantee that you won’t. Case in point – I dare you to find someone who had the ‘time of their life’ on New Year’s Eve 1999. With 2,000 years of hype behind it, there is no way it could ever match expectations.

The best times in your life are the ones that sneak up on you. So give up on New Year’s Eve. This year I’m staying home and inviting no one. I plan to celebrate the start of the year 2017 together with the fine people of Uzbekistan (at 9pm my time) by opening a bottle of champagne. I might not be able to pre-order the best night of my life, but I can make sure that the wine is spectacular and that I’m in bed by 10 pm. 

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