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Make your marriage work forever

Marriage is a sacred union of husband and wife. It is called “kidushin”. The word kadosh means holy and also separated and cut off. When a couple marry, they are a unit which has only them and no-one may invade that unit of separateness and holiness.
by Rabbi Siggy Suchard, Sandton Shul | Nov 16, 2017

In these parshot we learn how important it is to find the correct partner. Yaakov was told by his parents to find a shidduch from the house of Betual, Rivka’s father.

“Do not take a wife from the daughters of Canaan, go to Padena Aron” (Bereishit 28:2).

When Rivka herself married Yitzchak, the verse reads; “And Yitzchak brought her (Rivka) to the tent of Sarah, his mother and he took Rivka and she was to him a wife and he loved her.” (Ibid 24:67)

Rashi quotes the Midrash that Rivka had the attributes of her mother, the Shabbat candles lasted from Shabbat to Shabbat and there was a blessing in the bread and a cloud hovered over her tent.

The love came afterwards. Certainly, one must be attracted to one’s spouse and as in the story of Rivka, she consented to go with Eliezer, Abraham’s servant. However, true love comes from finding in one’s spouse the fine characteristics which one wants and expects.

With all this guidance from the Torah, to choose a good family, a kind person, a person who has spiritual character traits, there is one major overriding must. That is Hashem’s blessing and help.

Eliezer realised the necessity of Hashem’s intervention. “And he said blessed be the L-rd G-d of my master Abraham, who has not forsaken His kindness and truth from my master. I am on the way and Hashem has led me to the house of my master’s brother.” (Ibid 24:26)

Marriage must be within the framework of chuppah and kidushin. We live in a promiscuous society where living together without chuppah or kidushin is not frowned upon.

Those who do not first marry before being together, are missing out on G-d’s blessings from beneath the chuppah, which should be at the beginning of their relationship. This will ensure an everlasting, happy marriage.

A couple at their golden anniversary were asked their secret and feelings. The husband replied: “She is my best friend.”  True love grows and bonds them into “rayim ahuvim” - beloved friends, the blessing recited under the chuppah.

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