Chief rabbi takes matchmaking mainstream

No longer the sole domain of Orthodox Judaism, matchmaking has progressed beyond the shtetl and into the mainstream Jewish community, an evolution largely driven by the 2023 Netflix series, Jewish Matchmaking.

The series featured internationally acclaimed Jewish matchmaker, Aleeza Ben Shalom, which is why Chief Rabbi Dr Warren Goldstein believes it was important to involve her in his newly launched Matchmakers Network.

“Until the show, many thought matchmaking belonged in the religiously observant part of the community,” Goldstein told the SA Jewish Report. “Yet, it belongs to every Jew, and is something that we can all benefit from. Why should it be only in one part of the community and not in another?”

After all, he argues, matchmaking has happened naturally and informally for generations regardless of one’s level of observance, whether it be through friends, relatives, colleagues, or acquaintances. “Now it’s just a matter of providing that training, formalising the process, and creating awareness,” he said.

Tova Goldstein, the executive director of the Matchmakers Network, agrees. “Traditionally, when there is less mixing in religious circles, you need a matchmaker to put people together. It’s been incorrectly assumed that the less religious circles don’t need that. But everyone can do with someone looking out for them.”

These days, it’s harder to meet people than it was in the past, she said. “People are more isolated, live more online, and are more wary. There’s less community socialising and social groups mostly stick together, which makes singles feel that they know everyone. All these factors create a seemingly small pool. But if we open ourselves up to different communities and create opportunity for singles to meet or be matched up with prospective partners, we can change the narrative.”

Ben Shalom agrees, discussing the irony of our times – that while we’re increasingly mobile and connect through devices, we’re more disconnected than ever before. “In small communities, the dating pool feels limited. In larger communities, paradoxically, people often feel lost in the crowd,” she said. “Add to that the pressures of modern dating apps, unrealistic expectations, and the fear of rejection, it creates what many call a ‘matrimonial crisis’. But I prefer to see it as an opportunity.”

While she acknowledges the barriers to dating, whether they be distance, different religious levels, or even an overwhelming choice of partners, she argues that with the right guidance and community support, singles can undoubtedly still find their person. This is why she accepted Goldstein’s invitation to become involved in his Matchmakers Network.

“I’ve dedicated my life to building a Jewish Matchmaking Movement around the world because I believe that no single person, or even one matchmaker, can carry this work alone,” she said. “Communities thrive when they take responsibility for their singles, and this project is exactly that: empowering local leaders, rabbis, and community members to help people find their life partner. To me, it’s not just matchmaking, it’s building Jewish homes, continuity, and a future for our people.”

Goldstein echoes this, saying that not only is introducing someone to their future husband or wife one of the greatest mitzvahs we can do, it’s essential to ensure a thriving community. “A driving force here is the future of our community, which will ultimately happen in Jewish homes and the Jewish children born in those homes,” he said.

The vision behind the Matchmakers Network is to harness the power of volunteers from across the community who will be trained and supported to create Jewish matches. While there are professionals involved, the multiplying force of volunteers is crucial, Goldstein said. “It’s called the Matchmakers Network because it’s about having a network of people, a movement of volunteer matchmakers from across the full spectrum of our community.”

While she acknowledges that any form of setting people up has its flaws – as many of those who have had their fair share of disastrous blind dates can attest to – Tova Goldstein still feels it’s a great way to meet people. “When there’s a personal connection to the matchmaker, it’s more likely to succeed, which is what we are creating with the Matchmakers Network,” she said.

Having Ben Shalom, an internationally renowned matchmaker, kick off the programme in South Africa this month, and training volunteers online on an ongoing basis will set the project up for success, the rabbi said. With the pilot phase of the Matchmakers Network already running for a few months, more than 100 volunteers have already started their online training. This will continue following Ben Shalom’s visit this month.

“It’s about shifting the mindset to thinking, not just about, ‘What can I do for myself, but are there people I know who need an introduction?’” he says. “If you could introduce two people to each other, what an amazing gift to them, and what a tremendous investment in the future!”

Though the primary focus of the Matchmakers Network will be on the younger generation, Goldstein acknowledges that the desire for a match exists across different age groups. This is why it’s important to become involved and help one another by adopting a matchmaking mindset, he said.

Ben Shalom said she’s excited to experience the warmth and vibrancy of our community, and to give new matchmakers real tools. “This includes how to listen deeply; how to guide a first date; and how to spot potential when others might overlook it. My goal is to help them feel confident and supported so they can succeed not just in making introductions, but in walking singles through the journey of dating to marriage.”

Her key piece of advice for singles? “When in doubt, go out. Don’t overthink. Don’t wait until everything feels perfect. Give yourself the opportunity to meet and assess someone in real life, not just in your head. Stay open, stay curious, and remember, you’re not looking for someone who is perfect, you’re looking for someone who is perfect for you.”