Goodbye, my friend

It is incredibly difficult to find the right words to write about Steven Gruzd because he wasn’t just a friend; he was one of the constants of my life. 

Steven and I were lifelong friends. I first met him, together with his mom, Arlene, at the Johannesburg Scrabble Club in 1983. Neither of us could possibly have known then that what began across a Scrabble board would grow into a friendship that would last for more than four decades. 

Over the past 42 years, Steven and I built a deep and enduring friendship founded on shared interests, mutual respect, loyalty, and many common values. While Scrabble may have brought us together, our friendship extended far beyond the game. 

I had the privilege of being present at some of the most important milestones of Steven’s life: his Barmitzvah, his graduation, and his wedding. In many ways, I watched him grow from a brilliant young man into an exceptional adult, husband, father, scholar, and friend. 

Steven wasn’t only my friend, but also, at one stage, both an undergraduate and postgraduate student of mine (department of international relations at the University of the Witwatersrand). It gave me enormous pride to watch his academic journey unfold and to see him go on to build such a distinguished career as an outstanding researcher and thinker. Over the years, our relationship evolved into one of true intellectual partnership and collegiality. He hosted guest seminars for me, acted as an external examiner for several of my courses, and we even co-authored a couple of academic articles. 

But some of my fondest memories of Steven lie outside the academic world. Over many years, we played thousands and thousands of games of Scrabble together. We had the honour of representing South Africa side by side at the second World Scrabble Championship in New York City and at the first African Scrabble Championship in Nairobi. Those are memories I will treasure forever. 

Our friendship was also shaped by so many other shared moments – often watching cricket and rugby together, exchanging ideas, laughter, debate, and friendship over countless years. Steven hosted many quizzes for me, bringing his intelligence, warmth, and wit to those occasions in a way only he could. 

His late mom, Arlene, who was also a very close friend, was part of so many of those earlier years and memories too. I also remember with affection the many games of squash we played at the then Transvaal Automobile Club, another chapter in a friendship filled with shared experiences and lasting connection. 

I remember going with Steven and his mom to the Kruger National Park one year en route from a Scrabble tournament in Swaziland. 

One of the particularly meaningful aspects of recent years for me was having the opportunity to teach Steven’s daughter Lauren, who was a student in my foreign policy analysis course at Wits. It felt like one of those rare full-circle moments in life, a reminder of just how long and how deeply our lives had been intertwined. 

The last time I saw Steven was on Friday 20 March, when we met for lunch at the Houghton Golf Club. I will forever be grateful for that final time together, even though I could never have imagined it would be the last. 

Steven was an exceptionally bright, thoughtful, loyal, and decent human being. He had a quiet strength, a serious intellect, a dry wit, and a depth of character that left a lasting impression on everyone who knew him. His loss is devastating, and the shock of it is still hard to comprehend. 

I am heartbroken by his passing, and my heart goes out especially to Mandy, his amazing wife, and to his daughters, Lauren and Megan. No words can truly ease such a loss, but I hope they may take some comfort in knowing just how deeply Steven was admired, respected, and loved. 

For me, this isn’t just the loss of a friend. It is the loss of someone who was woven into the fabric of my life for 42 years. I will miss him enormously, and I will carry his memory with me always. 

Rest in peace, Steven. You will never be forgotten, my friend. 

• Larry Benjamin is a former lecturer in international relations at the University of the Witwatersrand.