A blessing that grows with the child

Parashat Naso contains one of the most beautiful sections in the Torah, Birkat Kohanim, the priestly blessing. We know its words from shul, from yomtov, and perhaps most tenderly from Friday night, when parents place their hands on their children and bless them ‒ certainly one of the most treasured moments of my week. “May Hashem bless you and protect you.” 

I remember with fondness and admiration when an acquaintance of mine, a Christian Zionist, contacted me. His son was turning 18 and at this milestone he dearly wished for a rabbinic blessing. Could he bring him to shul for a blessing? That’s exactly what we did, and both the father and I said the words of the Birkat Kohanim for this young man as his father wept tears of gratitude for that moment. 

Of all the commentaries and explanations that have been written about these beautiful words, what resonated most deeply with me was a teaching of Rabbi David Fohrman, who shows how these three lines of blessing, only 15 words in all, illustrate three distinct stages in our own parenting and blessing of our children. 

The first line is “May Hashem bless you and protect you”. That is the first task of a parent, and of every educator entrusted with children: to nurture and to protect. A child begins life utterly dependent. They need food, safety, clothing, warmth, routine, and boundaries. Before all the great ideals of education, before inspiration, identity, or vision, there is the simple sacred work of care. Children cannot flourish if they aren’t cared for at the level of the most basic needs on Maslow’s hierarchy. 

The second line is “May Hashem shine His face toward you and be gracious to you”. This is a different kind of parenting. It’s not only what we give our children, but how we look at them. A child is spiritually nourished by the light in a parent’s face, by knowing that they bring us joy, that we notice them, that we delight in who they are becoming. 

This is also where education becomes deeply formative. American talk show host and writer Dennis Prager has often pointed out that what parents communicate as their highest value shapes what children learn to value. What we choose to compliment them on matters. If the shine in our eyes appears only when our children win, achieve, perform, or impress, then they learn that these are the things that make them precious. But if they see our pride when they show kindness, honesty, resilience, and responsibility, then our praise becomes moral education. 

The third line is “May Hashem lift His face toward you and give you peace”. Rabbi Fohrman reads this as the stage in which we aren’t looking down towards the child, whether in caring or in pride, but meet them eye to eye. 

This may be the hardest stage of all. We spend years teaching children how to stand, and then struggle when they begin to stand apart from us. But the goal of Jewish education isn’t dependence, but holy independence: children who can carry Torah, make choices, ask real questions, and build their own relationship with Hashem. 

May we, and our children, be blessed in all of these ways. 

Shabbat Shalom. 

• Rabbi Sam Thurgood, United Herzlia Schools