Does the Let Them theory work for Jews?

It seems like absolutely everyone is talking about the Let Them theory by Mel Robbins.

As the lady in Freshfellas elbows you for the last horseradish root, you mutter “Let her” and serenely reach for the bottled kind; as the taxi cuts in front of your car, you “let him” and drive on, unfazed and unruffled.

Robbins’ theory is all about setting yourself free from trying to control what you can’t – other people’s views and actions that offend or impede on your own. And by doing so, you also let go of frustration, overwhelm and, often, self-constructed hurt.

Robbins is an Ivy League-educated criminal defence attorney and entrepreneur, whose quick wit and insight has made her a global phenomenon – in publishing and beyond. Reading a book by her feels like you’re debriefing with a good friend and a glass of wine.

Using the same no-nonsense, science-backed approach that’s made The Mel Robbins Podcast such a global sensation, Robbins explains why the Let Them theory is already loved by millions and how you can apply it in eight key areas of your life. Within a few pages, you’ll realise how much energy and time you’ve been wasting trying to control the wrong things – at work, in relationships, and in pursuing your goals – and how this is keeping you from happiness and success.

Concept sounding familiar? Philosophers like the Stoics – and countless others – have articulated this idea for centuries: personal peace comes from accepting what is, controlling what you can, and letting go of the rest.

For me, what makes all the difference in Robbins’ version is the three words “and let me” that she bolts onto the “Let them” starter phrase. That changes everything.

Why I have found Robbins’ five-word mantra “Let them and let me” so effective is because, in one pithy phrase, it shifts you from perseverating to ideating, from counter-productive inward thoughts that swirl endlessly like a rinse cycle in your head, to something more expansive and constructive. At its best, it then moves you to positive action: what am I going to do, practically, right now, to create the best version of myself, regardless? What do I want to make happen? What is my next step towards making a dream come true? It grants you agency.

And that’s actually a very Jewish thing to do. Pirkei Avot 1:17 says, “Study is not the primary thing but action [is].” The Torah instructs us in G-d’s will and Divine values, but words alone are not enough. For wisdom to endure, application and practice are paramount.

It got me thinking. Do we Jews living in the 21st century, with a backdrop of Israel at war and worldwide antisemitism as virulent as ever, have the luxury of applying the Let Them theory to the world around us? While this theory has proved to be exceptionally useful to me and millions of others on an individual basis, can we, on a group scale, use “Let them and let me” wisdom to guide us as we navigate such challenging times?

Do we have an option of letting antisemitic rhetoric go unchallenged? Is not defending the right of Israel to exist a choice? It would be far less painful and exhausting to simply “let them think whatever they think” and let us get on with how we want to live our lives.

The problem is that silence is complicity, and allowing hateful thoughts and hate speech to run riot has very real and scary consequences for the physical survival and quality of life for us, our fellow Jews, and our children after us.

A Jew’s identity exists on both a personal and national level. As partners with G-d in creating, crafting, and correcting the world – tikkun olam – opting out of the national bit of that agency doesn’t really align. Self-mastery in isolation is not a Jewish ideal. “The only thing necessary for the triumph of evil is that good men do nothing” weighs heavily on our (shrugging let them) shoulders.

If the raison d’être of the Jewish people is to change the world for good, Paul McCartney’s ‘Let it be’ is simply not an option.

It’s also not constructive in finding a way forward. “Let them” is a kind of giving up on dialogue and compromise, because it acknowledges that it is a zero-sum game – a game that cannot be won. That’s not helpful in finding middle ground.

The more religious version of “Let them and let me” might be “Let go and let G-d”, which points to radical acceptance of G-d’s will and omnipotence. Indeed, a valuable reminder of the Divine greater plan, but perhaps too docile a voice for a people faced with physical, emotional, and spiritual danger.

Perhaps the Jewish answer would be something like: Don’t let them, but let me. In other words, do both – speak up, protest, feel the pain, but then swiftly move to action and engagement. And don’t rest until the two battles – the inner and outer, the personal and the national – align.

• Word-nerd, spiritual seeker, and storyteller, Batya Bricker publishes books, writes, teaches, and learns, constantly looking for new ways to uncover the power of a story.