Finding the happiness in the pain

For the past few years, it’s felt so much easier to commemorate Yom Hazikaron and feel the pain of loss than to celebrate on Yom Ha’atzmaut. 

The devastating and ongoing losses seem interminable and way too close to all of us so that joy seems a little out of reach. 

There has been way too much pain and anguish in the past two and a half years. 

However, celebrate we must, no matter what, because we have so very much to be grateful for. We have a 78-year-old Israel and that is certainly worth celebrating. 

Right now, the Jewish State is going through what feels like an interminable war, with tenuous ceasefires. First there was the horrifying 7 October massacre, for which Israel had no choice but to retaliate and prevent from ever happening again. When the war in Gaza seemed to taper off, there was an uptick in the war with Hezbollah on the Lebanese front. Then there is Iran. And don’t forget its proxy the Houthis, in Yemen, who keep up their attacks on Israel. 

This has clearly taken a massive toll on Jews in Israel and the diaspora. But we have a Jewish State that is strong and resilient. 

And Israelis know why this is worth celebrating, no matter what. I guess they have gotten used to celebrating the many small wins within the ongoing threats of war and destruction. They appreciate every bit of life and know how to enjoy every last morsel of it. 

After spending months cramped up in, or staying as close as possible to, underground shelters because of the constant Iranian ballistic missiles, they take every opportunity for kef, the slang word for “fun” or “a good time”. Even between missiles, you will find young and old people enjoying life at coffee shops or out on the town. People even learned to find the kef in shelters, having parties or playing games. 

Incredibly, Israel is rated the eighth happiest country in the World Happiness Report released in March. In the middle of a war, that is! And it has consistently been in the top eight for years. Israelis under 25 years old rank in the top three happiest groups in the world. According to the report, this is driven by strong social support, close family bonds, community solidarity, and a high sense of meaning/purpose. 

Having said that, there is a distressing paradox in the massive rise in negative emotions ‒ such as worry, sadness, and anger ‒ in Israel, from 119th before October 2023 to 39th globally. This reflects the severe psychological toll of the ongoing conflict. 

And in this week of Yom Hazikaron and Yom Ha’atzmaut, we are reminded of the pain and devastation of Israel at war. It was just a few short months back, on 26 January, that the body of the last hostage held in Gaza was returned to Israel. Somehow it feels like it happened in the distant past already. But this week, the pain came flooding back for many of us. 

We were reminded of the massive loss of lives, the devastation of 7 October, when 1 200 innocent people were butchered and many thousands more were tortured and wounded. The scars remain etched into the lives of Israelis who survived. 

There is not an Israeli who is untouched by the losses of the past two and a half years. Just in the past year alone, 174 soldiers were killed and 79 people fell victim to terrorists. And the truth is, ever since Israel became a state in 1948, Israelis have been under constant threat of war or terrorism. 

A total of more than 30 000 have been killed in defence of the State of Israel and in terrorist attacks. And for Israelis, the one thing they want more than anything is peace. The ever-elusive experience that Israelis verbalise hundreds of times a day. Shalom! 

No mother wants to send her child into an army in which he is likely to have to fight for his life. No mother wants to send her child into combat, fearing that he might not return. Every day, parents with children in the defence forces worry about what news they might hear. 

I am reminded of something Israel-based writer Sarah Tuttle-Singer wrote in the last few days about understanding Israelis. It was profound and worth sharing. 

“For those who say ‘Israel has no real security concerns’, tell me something: have you ever sat down with an Israeli over coffee and asked her what it’s like to live under rocket fire, or the nagging fear that you might be blown up or knifed in the back, or thrown like a rag doll in the air with the brutal impact of a car as it drives into you on purpose? 

“Have you looked into the eyes of a Nova survivor who hid under a pile of bodies, just like in the Holocaust ‒ who hid under the stink of blood and burned flesh and urine just to survive? 

“Have you looked into the eyes of the mothers and fathers of hostages held in terror tunnels, the parents who refuse to give up hope and who will keep the light on until their babies are home?” 

Sarah clearly understands this deeply. 

She goes on to ask if you’ve ever thought twice about getting on a bus, or getting off a bus because someone gets on with a bulky jacket on a warm day. 

She speaks of the Israeli children who have spent 40 days in and out of shelters and who have nightmares about rockets flying in the air. 

The point she ultimately makes, which resonates so clearly for me, is not to think for one moment that Israelis want anything other than peace. However, peace is not as easy as wanting it. The road to peace is not straightforward. Peace is attainable only when enemies can lay down arms, stop hating, and negotiate in earnest. Also, you cannot formulate peace agreements with people who are determined to wipe you off the face of the earth. 

In this week of Yom Hazikaron and Yom Ha’atzmaut, I pray for an end to the wars, death, and destruction and for a light of peace at the end of a short tunnel. 

Shabbat Shalom! 

Peta Krost 

Editor