Howard Feldman
The funny thing is that I never took my late grandmother seriously when she told us that the right accessory could make or break an outfit. If she were alive today to see the furor over a poorly chosen scarf, she would have given us the biggest “I told you so” look of all time. Of course she would have also given the 17 year old child a sharp smack to the back of his head and sent him to his room to think about what he has done, but that’s another issue completely.
I would rather focus on accessories – because they are clearly a lot more relevant than I for one had realized. In fact I will bet that every Grade 11 student at Jewish Day Schools across South Africa, is rummaging through his cupboards as we speak, it being clear that not to eliminate certain items, could cause, at best, future leadership opportunity to be jeopardized, and at worst public demonization.
But this is where I need clarity – what makes one scarf badly designed and garish, offensive only for its ugliness, and another offensive for its message and all it conveys? We all know what makes a Mezuzah kosher (some of our re-sellers also now have this knowledge), but I really think we need to understand the Palestinian fashion world better.
So I Googled “Palestinian accessories” and was blown away (if you will excuse the expression) by the choices available. Would you believe that there is a full range of options in scarf-wear (some of which may be purchased at Urban Outfitters in the USA for USD20 per item) and some very pleasant full length dresses in this design if one likes that sort of thing? I personally don’t love how they have combined the red and green and written “Palestine” all over them, but for the SA debating team this appears not to have been a concern.
What is clear to me, given this whole unfortunate mess, is that we have sent a clear message to the anti-us people. We have given them the blueprint as to how to cause us the most pain. It is not to attack and vilify us, it is not to boycott and disseminate untruths and it is not turn the UN and the world against us. It is simply to turn one of our own against his people. We seem to be able to deal with anything at all, but not with other Jews selling us short. When we have a magnificent gathering of 12,000 Israel supporters representing all races, the local news leads with the focus on 12 sad and rejected “Jews” standing outside protesting her actions.
And it hurts. It hurts us when Josh Someone, a child, rejects us his family. It hurts us as if he were our own. We get angry and we demand better, as we would from any of our own children. He clearly has great potential and we want to be proud of him, we want to share in his success. We do not want to feel ashamed and saddened by his actions as we do now.
And I feel for him and his family. Because with all the bluster and the defense and the so-called support, and however it is debated and explained, I would certainly not want to be remembered for this act. No one wants to be Goldstone and all he has come to represent. But we need to remember that he is a child, and children do stupid things (as do we all). He needs to deal with the consequences, as the school sees fit, he needs to be sent to his room to consider the pain he has caused, and then when he comes out, we need to give him a hug and be told that we still love him.
Let’s cut him some slack, lets not remember his name and let’s give him another chance. We need to not push him and his family into a corner that forces them to defend this poor choice and let’s hope that next time he goes out, he will think carefully as to how he accessorises. Let’s help him make my grandmother proud.
Joan Struck
Aug 11, 2014 at 11:40 am
‘What ever you say, I for one will never forget his name.
it will follow him the rest of his life. People will give that knowing look and say to him, \” oh, I know who you are\” even when he is 120. You don’t turn on your people in the middle of a war. We need Israel!!! Jews particularly need Israel at this time when rampant anti semitism has raised its ugly head and the government is on the antisemitic side. Let him go and join the ANC and befriend Jesse Durate.’
Ilana
Aug 11, 2014 at 12:08 pm
‘As always, the humour is sly and keeps the grin on the face, but also as always, there is a plea for us to stop shouting and think … if that isn’t vital today I don’t know what is. Thanks again, HF!’
Akiva
Aug 11, 2014 at 12:27 pm
‘I could not agree more. The last thing we need as a community is to speak loshen hora about one another. Especially in the month of Av with all that is symbolises.
Lets just hope that it was an accident and not something with a real anti-Israel meaning. ‘
Vince Jearey
Aug 11, 2014 at 1:07 pm
‘Yes sir, your Grandmother was right!
Our Generation grew up with smacks across the head and we did’nt turn out to badly.
G-D Bless Israel.’
Dean
Aug 11, 2014 at 2:11 pm
‘I’m in favour. Kids do indeed do stupid things and he needs to be forgiven if that is what he actually desires.’
estell
Aug 11, 2014 at 2:58 pm
‘Shouldn’t you ask this YOUNG MAN with all his leadership qualities and talents if he wants another chance? If yes he should make it public. I would like to believe a boy of this age gave some thought to his actions.
Here in Israel boys of his age are preparing to go into the army and are looked upon as adults not children.’
Leon Kaplan
Aug 11, 2014 at 4:33 pm
‘Hi Howard, I’m glad that your passion for writing is out the closet…please keep it up! You’ve taken a mature approach to the remarks of an immature individual. My concern is that the community leadership have not been outspoken enough about this issue &, in particular, as an Old Davidian I feel betrayed. And the headlines(\”Kind David refuses to buckle\”) in tonight’s ‘The Star’ are a Chillul Hashem!’
Susan freeman
Aug 11, 2014 at 5:27 pm
‘The saddest part of this story is a Jewish person started a potition
which has done more harm to the Jewish people for the lashon hara.
There was a similar story at a school where the matter was swept under the carpet.’
Daniel Friedman
Aug 11, 2014 at 7:10 pm
‘The perfect accessory for Howard Feldman would be a dunce cap.’
Choni
Aug 12, 2014 at 8:30 am
‘I maintain that the longer the Diaspora Jews choose to stay in (comfortable) exile, the more they are unlikely to become true Zionists. There is only one definition of Zionism, and that is to love the Land of Israel and a strong commitment to live there.
Our youth must be taught that they are not really Jews, but Israelis in exile. After all nowhere in the Chumash is there mention of the word Jew, or Jewish people. We are not \”Jews\” .We are Bnei Yisrael, and Am Yisrael. The fact that millions of us are scattered throughout the world, does not alter the fact that if the exile Jews would be taught that they were in fact Israelis (in exile/captivity), and not Jews, it would make them much more authentic Zionists.
It will come as no surprise that there will be more and more of our young generation not knowing where their loyalties are. For this the blame must lie squarely on the Religious leaders and religious schools. ( in our present case I certainly would not class KingDavid as \”religious\” or Zionistic if nothing is being done about Broomberg and many others).
Our young people are going to assimilate in any event.
‘
Lisa
Aug 12, 2014 at 11:07 am
‘Howard I loved your writing and your summarising everything so simply and neatly. The problem as I see it though is that his awful apology and his mom’s petition defending him, indicate that he has not really understand what he did. Some kids didn’t listen to Granny, no matter what and they had no reason, especially if they had people around them enabling them. He is a big fish in a too-small pond. If I were him I would offer to step-down and really apologise, admitting that I provoked this pain, that I am not a zionist and offering to travel to Israel to inform myself. That, would a great leader make.’
Lisa
Aug 12, 2014 at 11:32 am
‘Another thing struck me reading the SABJE’s statement: Israel is central to their policy yet they hold no political views. Can anyone blame Josh and Co for being Palestinian-resistance-scarf-wearing- zionists?’
Anthony
Aug 13, 2014 at 7:58 am
‘What a heap of bull dust, Howard Feldman. This kid expressed his point-of-view, and good for him! He criticized Israel while your position, it would seem, is that Israel is beyond criticism by a fellow Jew.
I’m Jewish to and am appalled by what the right-wing is doing to that country.’
Leanne
Aug 13, 2014 at 3:28 pm
‘Well written wise words. Let this boy have his life back. ‘
Some One
Aug 13, 2014 at 8:26 pm
‘\”… But we need to remember that he is a child, …\”
A child? Really?
Let’s see… he is the deputy headboy of a prestigious school, he is about to enter university or travel the world alone to \”find himself\” (whatever that means). And you think he is a \”child\”?!
He is young and probably lacks the life-experience of someone your age, Mr Feldman, but he is no child.
For the sake of argument, let’s accept that he is a child. Children learn from their mistakes and, the way they learn, is through being punished and being held accountable for their actions. The school and the SABJE seem to have decided that he won’t be punished. So yes, he deserves a second chance, but not applying any sanction does this child, the SABJE and the community a disservice.’
david
Aug 23, 2014 at 2:40 am
‘@ Choni – ‘ Israelis in exile’ ? ? Who’s unrealistic world are you living in ? I choose to live where I do , because of who I am. I am a fervent supporter of Zionism and Israel , at all times, but I am not an ‘Israeli in Exile’. I am a Jew living in the diaspora, and may or may not assimilate, but that will never change my support of Yisrael, or Israel, and my roots, as I choose to call it .
The obvious difference between you and me , and many others, like me, in the diaspora by choice, is that I’m sure that you pray more often than we do .
I do not feel that I have the obligation to live in Israel, but I do have the obligation, as a Jew , not an ‘Israeli in exile’ to support it through thick and thin ‘