Forgiveness goes all ways

It’s that time of year again. We ask for and offer forgiveness. To those near and those far away. To each other and to G-d Almighty. 

Often forgiveness with those closest to us is the most difficult. We expect our close family and friends always to be there for us and never to let us down, certainly not to hurt us. So, while charity ought to begin at home, where does this leave us with forgiveness? 

It is said that to forgive is Divine. Indeed, this is so. At times it can take super-human effort to overcome feelings of being deeply hurt by someone, especially someone close to us. However, being that there is a mitzvah in the Torah to forgive and to ask forgiveness, we certainly have the G-d-given ability to do so. 

I would like to share a story that was told by Rebbetzin Rivkah, the fourth Chabad Rebbetzin. 

There was a Jewish family that lived in a small village without a community. For yomtov they would go to the nearest town that had a shul so that they could daven with a minyan. 

One erev Yom Kippur morning the father got up early to pack and get ready to head to the town. His family, however, were taking their sweet time. “What’s the hurry,” they asked. He kept trying to get them to load the wagon and leave, but his wife and children seemed to have other priorities. 

The day went on and the man grew frustrated. He told them that he was starting to walk and they should pick him up along the way once they decided to leave. 

He set out on foot and further down the road took a rest along the side of the route, relaxing under a tree. He was sure to position himself in a way that the travellers would see him as they went by. Shortly afterwards he fell into a deep sleep. Meanwhile, his family left the home and began heading towards the town. But they completely forgot about their father. Eventually he woke up, only to realise that the sun was now setting behind the hills. 

What could he do now? He was stranded on the roadside with nothing. He would have to spend Yom Kippur under a tree in some deserted area. He had nothing with him and hadn’t eaten before the fast. 

He lifted his head heavenward and said to Hashem, “Master of the Universe, my family have forgotten me, even after all that I do for them. And yet I completely forgive them because they are my family. I ask that You too completely forgive Your children, even if they have forgotten You.” 

So when we come to Yom Kippur and ask Hashem for forgiveness, we do so on the understanding that we forgive each other as well. 

• Rabbi Levi Silman Rabbinical coordinator for Kosher SA