Why cheating on your wife is a topic on Yom Kippur

There was a fellow who was so proud of himself. He claimed that he had conquered all his vices, except one. 

Which one? Temptation! 

Now, every single year, at least one congregant challenges me about the Torah reading for Yom Kippur at Mincha. It’s the Bible’s Immorality Act, all the forbidden relationships. 

“Rabbi, was there no better chapter in the whole Torah to read on the holiest day of the year?” 

In the morning we read of the pristine purity of the Kohen Gadol, the High Priest of Israel, as he performs the sacred services in the Holy Temple on this Day of Atonement. And then in the afternoon, we shift to the most immoral and impure subject matter, including incest and even bestiality. 

Is there really nothing else in the whole Torah that is more appropriate for this holy day? 

And every year I give the same answer. The reason given by the sages themselves. That, ultimately, the acid test of our virtue and commitment to G-d, faith, and Torah is this very subject. Keeping our heads and remaining faithful to our spouses, and faithful to the Torah’s moral code in this specific area of sexual relationships, is the single most difficult area of morality and this is therefore the ultimate test of our righteousness and commitment to our faith and our heritage. 

Rightly do we pray every morning, “Do not bring us into the grip of error, sin, temptation, or shame.” 

There is the shocking Talmudic story of Rav Amram the Pious, a wise and respected sage. A group of Jewish women had been kidnapped and then freed from captivity. To keep them safe, they were taken to the attic of Rav Amram, and the heavy ladder was taken away so that no men could climb up to bother them. One of the women was exceptionally beautiful. When Rav Amram noticed her, he took the ladder, which was so heavy that ordinarily it would take 10 men to move it, and picked it up all by himself so that he could climb it. Only when he was halfway up the ladder, did he come to his senses, still the burning urge within him, and go back down. 

If these giants of the spirit were vulnerable and susceptible to sin, who are we to expect ourselves to be morally invincible? 

That’s why we have the laws of yichud, a set of regulations designed as precautionary measures to prevent us from getting into any morally compromised positions in the first place. Basically, a man and woman who are not married to each other are forbidden to be alone, in any private, secluded setting. Either there must be other people around, or it should be in a public space where nothing untoward is likely to occur. 

How well I remember the exact words of a fellow in our community who, unfortunately, got involved with a married woman. His apologetic justification was that he hadn’t planned the affair, but they had both been working late at the office after everyone had gone home, and it had “just happened”. 

We are all susceptible, we are all prone to our hormones getting the better of us, and our hearts conquering our brains. Rationally, we know it isn’t right, but emotionally we throw caution to the wind, and sadly, lives are often ruined in the process. 

But the Torah doesn’t give up on us. The Torah believes in us. If it is in the Torah that we must desist from these behaviours, then that is the greatest proof that we are capable of doing so. That we have the ability to remain strong in the face of temptation. 

That is the strength of the human being. This is the power of men and women created in the image of G-d, that we have freedom of choice, and we can exercise control over our passions, no matter how strong that passion may be. Sometimes it is more difficult than others. But we firmly believe that we can overcome the challenge, regardless. 

But not everyone accepts this thinking. There are those who argue against the very principle of free choice, and they even present their arguments scientifically. 

I remember some years ago; there was a huge article splashed across Time magazine. The title? “Infidelity: It may be in our genes.” It described at length the findings of a group of “evolutionary psychologists”, who based their research on evolution, on the behaviour patterns of apes, ancient man, survival of the fittest, etcetera. Over eight pages it suggested that “infidelity is completely natural”. 

The very clear implication was that human beings weren’t necessarily meant to be faithful to one spouse for life. If “infidelity is natural” then it follows quite logically that “monogamy is a mistake”. 

I can just see your typical macho male who hasn’t been as faithful to his marriage vows as he should have been, now proclaiming with great justification, “Aha! I knew it! What did I tell you? I can’t help myself. I’m a compulsive lover. It’s in my genes. Monogamy isn’t for me. It’s unnatural. I’m not a sinner. I’m just a normal human being!” 

So let me share a little bit of Jewish philosophy. Do you think the Torah believes that we are angels? Do you think Judaism considers mortal men and women beyond temptation? 

Of course not! The Torah teaches us right from wrong, and how to live our lives precisely because it acknowledges our human frailty. Judaism acknowledges our moral challenges. And it addresses them head on. 

The Torah teaches us that G-d gave us temptation, but he also gave us a conscience. Or, as the rabbis long ago described it, a yetzer hara and a yetzer tov. We believe that G-d deliberately created men and women with an inner conflict between good and evil, right and wrong, moral and immoral. But the dice aren’t loaded against us. Because, although we are subject to temptation, we also have the power to overcome it – every single time we face it. 

And that is the meaning of freedom of choice. Is it easy? No. But in every one of life’s challenges, we can dig deeply into our psyche, and our spiritual, moral resources to do the right thing. Do we really want to enjoy a 10-minute fling and throw away our family life? Is it worth it? 

Not even the most intelligent chimpanzee can make that calculation. But we can. And we must. 

So despite the evolutionary psychologists, we remain committed to monogamy and marital fidelity. We remain committed to a Torah value system that teaches us the correct moral code to follow in all our intimate relationships. 

So when we read about immorality on Yom Kippur, we can tap into our inner strengths and achieve nothing less than immortality! 

Please G-d, may we all come to appreciate our own strengths and abilities, so that we can each reach our personal potential to be men and women of conscience, and a proud and holy people. 

• Rabbi Yossy Goldman is life rabbi emeritus of Sydenham Shul in Johannesburg and president of the South African Rabbinical Association.