Keep smiling

We all have our problems, some bigger than others. However, when someone whose life was a living hell reminds us of the need to smile and cherish what we have, it’s time to sit up and listen.

Last Sunday, 31 August, the idea of going to hear Or Levy, another former hostage, tell his story of what he went through in Gaza was less than appealing. I know that sounds harsh, but I have been to quite a few, and Or wasn’t someone I immediately felt a kinship with. This, despite knowing that he had been incarcerated for 491 days and his wife was murdered on the day he was taken, leaving their two-year-old son at home.

I went because intrinsically, I believe it’s vital to bear witness to their experiences because they are us. We are one people, and this could just as easily have happened to our loved ones. They have lived through worse than our worst nightmares for no other reason other than because, like us, they are Jews.

Or, telling his story, gave me a well-needed wake-up call.

First, the fact that this man – who has literally survived on a quarter of a pita a day and salty water – makes an effort to smile every day and appreciate what he has is astonishing. It made me realise that no matter our hardships and challenges, anything is possible and achievable.

For Or, sleeping in a bed is something he is now grateful for. He even cherishes the fact that he can eat a meal and is no longer a fussy eater. Being able to see the sunshine is a gift he never thought he would experience again, considering that he saw sunlight once in 2024. He even remembered that it was on 4 January. For Or, seeing his four-year-old son laughing makes his whole life worthwhile.

Nothing can bring back the love of his life, Einav, who was murdered in a shelter at the Nova festival on 7 October, a fact that Or found out only when he was released in February this year. Nothing can give him back the days he spent in hell, nor remove the nightmares and the wounds that experience inflicted on him. But he pointed out that he survived despite every physical and mental torture, and for that he will smile. He will not allow Hamas to take his life from him. Not now that he is out.

“I try to smile every day, even though it’s hard, because during that time [in Gaza] we chose to live. So to smile is my victory,” Or said.

As Or opened his heart to all of us, I felt like I was with him in the tunnel. I had a small sense of living day in and day out in a small, dark space without being able to move around for all that time. Not being able to shower, and when finally getting a chance to wash, Or had to put his filthy clothes back on. Being shackled all day, every day, tortured, and despised by life-threatening jailers isn’t even something in our sphere of imagination, but his words hit home.

Despite all this, today Or smiles and tells his story. As he said, he would much rather have been celebrating birthdays and anniversaries this month, but that is no longer his reality.

He clearly doesn’t enjoy standing in front of a crowd and opening up. Both he and his wife were shy, private people. But he takes all that he is and stands tall to tell his story. “I know bad things happened to me. I see the look on people faces when they hear my story, which doesn’t make me feel good. I don’t want anyone to feel sorry for me, and I don’t want to feel sorry for myself. If I were to be a shadow of myself now, then it would have been better for me to have died on 7 October.”

The thing that gives Or the ability to stand and speak like he does is knowing that this the only thing he can do to help bring his friend, Alon Ohel, and the 48 remaining hostages home. Alon was with Or throughout his incarceration, and is still a hostage in Gaza. More than 200 days have passed since Or was freed, and his friend is still there and most likely on his own.

“It haunts me day and night that he is alone in those tunnels and starving. I’m not sure that I would have survived on my own,” Or said. For his friend and the others, he stands up bravely and shares his soul with us.

Just knowing this makes me ashamed that I hesitated to go and hear Or speak. For the same reason he gets up to speak, we need to be there to hear former hostages bear their souls to us.

Or also shared how Hersh Goldberg-Polin, who was with him for much of the time in the tunnels before he was murdered, used to encourage them all to be positive with the following words, “He who has a ‘why’ to live for can bear almost any ‘how’.” Or said how much these words meant to him during his time in Gaza, and that his son was his clear ‘why’.

Only when he told Hersh’s parents back in Israel about this did he find out that these words were used in Holocaust survivor Viktor Frankl’s book, and they explained how Shoah survivors survived. It’s yet another wake-up call for all of us. Having a compelling purpose for living gives us all inner strength and motivation to overcome any of our difficulties, no matter how severe.

Or reminded us all to keep smiling because “they [our enemies] won’t win if we continue doing so”.

So, for him, I will smile and recognise all that I have to smile for, but I also won’t think twice about going to hear former hostages and helping wherever I can to get those remaining hostages home. Thank you, Or!

Shabbat shalom!

Peta Krost

Editor