Chev seeks foster families as need keeps growing

“We’re trying to create a sense of belonging while making sure it’s in the children’s best interest,” say Jaimie Deetlefs and Ronette Von Abo, social workers in Family Protection Services at the Chevrah Kadisha (the Chev). With a constant need for foster placement in the community, the team is seeking more prospective foster parents to match with the children in their care. 

Though fostering children is something Shula and Meir Zaiden have considered for decades, they completed the process only recently. “My parents ran Oranjia  Orphanage in Cape Town before I was born, and it has always been part of our family narrative,” says Shula. The couple also have friends who have fostered and adopted. 

When they heard of a Chev advert seeking foster parents, they made enquiries. “We knew that there were Jewish children who needed a home, and that we had a home and space in our hearts.” The couple is now in their fifth month of full-time fostering two children, aged three and four. 

“In a similar way to having a newborn, you have to be aware that absolutely everything changes,” says Meir. “Your relationships; your work; your family life; your spirituality; your energy levels; your finances; and your future plans. Naturally, the aim is to make all these changes positive. We’re lucky to have a very supportive extended family who help whenever they can.” 

Regardless, foster situations often come with challenges, with vulnerable children in the community often staying at Arcadia Jewish Children’s Home before being fostered. These children have parents who are unable to care for them full-time, be it due to substance use; abuse; mental illness; neglect; or other factors. Some children may also be orphans. 

Though each child is well looked after at the home, something is missing. “You have your own bedroom and social worker, but you don’t have a family,” says Deetlefs, “you don’t have that connection, that sense of belonging. Our hope for these kids is to create family. We will always manage, but we’re putting out a plea to help more kids.” 

“The nature of our work means more kids will always come into our system,” says Von Abo. “It helps to know that there are people who take them in.” The Chev screens potential foster parents and works to match them to the right kids. 

“There has to be a love connection,” says Deetlefs. “You can’t put any child with any parent, it has to be the right fit.” The Chev arranges visits between prospective foster parents and children, where social workers help to build relationships between the parties involved. 

The team also deals with the legalities involved in fostering, administering psychometric testing, and completing the required legal screening and home visits. They present their findings in reports presented in court. 

Prospective foster parents need to release any idealised preconceptions they may have, they say. “People often want a baby and that’s not the reality of it,” Deetlefs stresses. “We have so many beautiful kids at Arcadia, but they range in age and are currently between six and 17.” 

Each of these children comes with baggage, the social workers caution. “Whether they’re [aged] one or 15, they’ve gone through something to get to where they are now,” Deetlefs says. Von Abo agrees, stressing the need for patience and a willingness to learn. “They must be able to work with kids who might have past trauma, who need a lot of unconditional love, support, attention, and understanding. That’s why we also have so much training around this for our foster and temporary safe-care parents.” 

You need strength and an open mind for this journey, Deetlefs says. “We’re looking for foster parents who are willing to go through the rocky road, to put the child’s needs first and know that they’re doing something beautiful.” Each case is different, from blood-relative foster parents to strangers who don’t have children or want to expand their families. 

The Zaidens already have four biological children – their oldest has already moved out, while their youngest is 14. They have been supportive from the beginning, say their parents. “Bringing new children into an established family is complicated, especially when they come from an already complicated dynamic, so we are proud of our children’s maturity, generosity, and love.” 

It’s been amazing to watch the children grow, moving from multiple daily tantrums to settling into a routine and learning normal family behaviour, says Shula. “They want a mommy and a daddy, discipline and boundaries, and to see the same faces waking them up as those who put them to sleep,” Meir says. 

Though the fostering agreement is generally renewed multiple times, fostering is a long-term commitment, often extending throughout a child’s life. Foster parents must also accept that the biological parents will still be involved through supervised visits, a sometimes-difficult scenario that the Chev prepares families to handle. 

“The most challenging part is dealing with the ‘unsettle’ that happens after each biological family visit,” Shula says. “We know that this is a non-negotiable part of fostering, and that we will always have a few days of them being off balance after those visits.” The Zaidens are grateful for the Chev’s support. 

“There will be a lot of ups and downs that we have to help manage,” Von Abo says. The biological and foster parents each have their own social worker, who collaborate with one another to ensure the best interests of the child. 

While adoption may become an option, it’s case-dependent and can happen only with the biological parents’ consent. Regardless of where the fostering journey leads, with the Chev, foster parents will never walk this journey alone, says Deetlefs. “We’re with them for every single step.” 

Before seeking external foster families, the Chev exhausts every option within the child’s biological family. This was the case for Lauren and Damon Kalvari, who foster their niece. “There was a desire for all of us to live together, and our niece determined that this was an environment she wanted to be in,” they say. 

Their niece was 16 at the time and already had an established relationship with them. Though it was initially an informal living arrangement, the Kalvaris became formal foster parents for stability and practical reasons. This also enabled the Chev to give them appropriate support. 

“The addition to our home has provided our only child with a sister she’s never had,” say the couple. “It’s enriched our family, and it feels good to be making a valuable difference in another child’s life.”