Gambling addicts need urgent intervention, says grieving family

A father in the community, who is devastated by the death of his son who took his life after he found himself in dire straits due to a gambling addiction, wanted to do what he could to ensure his son didn’t die in vain. So, he and his family reached out to the SA Jewish Report to ensure that others with this addiction are able to get help.

“There are warning signs on cigarette boxes and bottles of alcohol explaining that these substances are addictive and may cause harm, but where are the signs at the casinos and gambling dens? Gambling is equally, if not worse, an addiction to have,” said the father, who asked not to be identified to protect his family.

“When my son was in a really tough place, he asked me for financial help, saying it was for his business,” said the father. “I had no idea it was actually for gambling. I never suspected it. I did what I could, but it wasn’t enough.”

The father believes that his son couldn’t be honest with him possibly because he was embarrassed and didn’t want to put further stress on his family. His family believe that he didn’t have anyone to confide in during this difficult time as he didn’t want to reveal his issues.

Around that time, Chief Rabbi Dr Warren Goldstein released a 20-minute drosha about not humiliating people in distress, said the father. “That message really struck me, especially because just days later, my son came to me in a panic, saying his business was collapsing. I spoke to him with sensitivity because of that drosha. But he still couldn’t tell me the truth. He asked for a large sum, more than I could give, and when I finally asked what it was really for, he couldn’t say.”

Due to legalities and the Protection of Personal Information Act, the therapist with whom this family has been in contact with can’t be named.

“Gambling addiction is often invisible until it’s far too late,” the therapist told the SA Jewish Report. “What starts as a thrill or a quick fix can spiral into secret loans, broken trust, and unbearable guilt. For some, like them, it ends in the most final and devastating way: suicide.

“It’s not just a bad habit,” she said. “It’s a mental-health crisis hiding in plain sight. Families are left asking questions with no answers, piecing together a life that unravelled behind a confident face.”

Said a family member, “We need to talk about gambling, not just the statistics, but the stories. The real human cost. Because silence is deadly. And no-one should have to lose their life to an addiction they were too ashamed to name.”

The father recalled, “He walked into my house two months before he took his own life. He was panicked, desperate, asking for money. He said his business was in trouble, but he didn’t say why. He couldn’t.”

He couldn’t tell his father that the debt wasn’t from a failed business, but from a string of desperate bets made late at night, alone, trying to win back what was already lost. He couldn’t admit that he had taken money meant for others, and backed himself into a corner so dark he couldn’t see a way out. He was afraid of what his family would think, afraid of disappointing them.

“Gambling addiction isn’t just about money, it’s about silence,” the therapist said. “It’s about fear of judgement, the loneliness of secrecy, and the mental torment that grows in the shadows. And when those suffering feel they can’t be honest, not even with the people who would do anything to save them, the consequences can be fatal.”

Rabbi Levi Avtzon, the rabbi at Linksfield Shul, is one of a number of rabbis who have made it their business to try and help those battling with mental-health issues like this. He recently wrote a piece calling on men in particular to be open about their struggles.

“Here’s what I’ve learned as a rabbi, and here’s what I need every man reading this to know: saying, ‘I need help,’ can be life-changing. It can be life-saving,” the rabbi wrote.

“I’m not talking about dramatic confessions. I’m talking about looking someone you trust in the eye, and saying, ‘I’m not coping. Help me.’ Not to fish for pity. Not to collapse in blame. But to take the first step toward getting your life back. That’s not weakness. That’s integrity. It’s strength of the highest order. And if more men did it, our communities – and our statistics – would look very different,” he wrote.

“It’s not because they’re bad. It’s because they were taught to be strong. To handle it. To ‘man up’. To keep going. And slowly, that strength becomes a prison. The price? Their joy. Their marriage. Sometimes their life,” Avtzon wrote.

“If we can normalise that, if we can teach our sons and our friends that real strength includes asking for help, that being a husband, a father, a colleague, or a friend doesn’t mean you must be unbreakable, then maybe fewer men will fall apart in silence,” Avtzon said.

The father of the deceased believes that if only his son could have reached out to say that he needed help and why, so much would have been different. His son may have been assisted to conquer his gambling problem if he had done so.

“We need to stop treating gambling addiction as a moral failing or a private shame,” said the father. “It’s a mental-health issue that demands compassion, early intervention, and open conversation. Because for some, the silence becomes too much, and the cost is a life that could have been saved.”

The family said that if sharing their story in the SA Jewish Report could save at least one person’s life, it would have been worth it.