A new chapter: creating your ‘third act’

It’s not only Rosh Hashanah that offers a chance for new beginnings, many of us reinvent ourselves at different stages of life. This is especially true when it comes to our “third act”, a time when our children are grown up and leaving home, giving us the opportunity for new purpose.

“Change your life today.” Sitting at a traffic light one day, Nadene Blumenfeld, then 47, and going into early menopause, read these words outside Inch by Inch, a gym which offered passive toning services. “I literally turned right, and signed up,” she says. Blumenfeld had never been to a gym, but a few months later, she joined Virgin Active, and her path was set.

She also began researching nutrition, singlehandedly overhauled her diet, and began successfully practicing intermittent fasting. “All my kids had finished school and were doing their own thing, and I just started loving the whole fitness journey and being healthy and feeling great. I went from 115kg to 59kg, a weight I’ve maintained for the past 12 years.”

“As there was nobody at home and I wasn’t doing lift schemes or watching ballet, rugby, netball, and soccer, it gave me a sense of purpose,” she says. “Now, I train seven days a week, twice a day. It’s just part of my life, and I absolutely love it.”

Today, almost 60, Blumenfeld constantly challenges herself. From doing the 94.7 cycle race 10 years ago to planning to walk the Plett Camino, a five-day hiking trail, next year, she’s not slowing down. “There’s no point staying in the same place all the time, so I’m always pushing,” she says. “It’s not about how you look, it’s about being healthy. It’s a gift to give to yourself.”

This is especially true when your children are grown up, a time when some people, women especially, feel unhappy, she says. “You get married and you’re the most important person, and then as life goes by, you take a bit of a backseat. Your kids become number one, your husband becomes number two, and you’re somewhere in the background. And you never find the time, because life and kids are busy. When the kids leave home, instead of being miserable, rediscover who you were when you first got married, because that person is still there.”

Inspired by her children, Marissa Katz, now 57, stepped onto the mat at 40 years old and began her Taekwondo journey. Watching her children train, she saw the profound benefits it offered, physically and emotionally. As a remedial teacher, she slowly became involved in helping with classes, recognising the confidence and life skills the training provided – a form of remedial therapy in itself, she says.

As her children attended high school, Katz earned her black belt, and qualified as an instructor. “By the time my daughter finished matric, I realised I wanted to create something that would help ease the reality of an empty nest one day,” she says.

In 2022, with both her children now independent, Katz was forced to choose between martial arts and remedial therapy. She took the leap, and partnered with another instructor to open an ATA Martial Arts club.

“For me, as an ageing adult with arthritis, it has been just as rewarding as it is for kids. It keeps my mind sharp, my body moving, and reminds me daily that challenges don’t have to be limitations. I will soon be testing for my 5th Degree Black Belt and competing for the title of Africa Champ at the ATA SA Martial Arts Tournament of Champions.”

Katz believes discovering a new passion later in life gives you renewed vigour. “It’s not just about keeping busy, it’s about having a sense of purpose and joy beyond the roles you’ve already fulfilled,” she says. “For me, it has also been a way to manage the reality of the empty nest stage, which is difficult sometimes.

“Instead of moping or dwelling on what I’ve lost, I pour myself into what I’ve gained. I think finding something new – whether it’s martial arts, art, travel, or any other pursuit – reminds us that life doesn’t end when our kids grow up. In fact, it can be the beginning of a whole new chapter.”

Having built a career in advertising and later in property, Marc Wachenheimer, now 65, decided to pursue his passion for art during the COVID-19 pandemic lockdown. With his work paused and his children grown up, he needed to do something interesting. “I’ve always been an artist, but I never really pursued it although my kids always told me I should,” he says.

Wachenheimer subsequently produced a series of paintings of the chaggim for Sydenham Shul – a long-held dream – which are now also being sold as prints. Although he has a demanding real estate career, Wachenheimer continues to create contemporary pieces for himself and paints pictures for his grandchildren. “Now it’s just myself, my wife, and the dog at home,” he laughs. Yet, he says, it’s never too late to thrive in something you’ve always wanted to do.

Lauren Burgin has always been a working mom. After her two sons left Johannesburg to attend university in Cape Town, she made a 360-degree shift to a new life for herself. When she heard that her beautician was planning to make aliya almost four years ago, she decided to buy her salon. “I jump into things, and then realise what I’ve done,” she says.

Not only did Burgin integrate the salon into her own home, she fulfilled her dream of opening an affordable gift shop. Simultaneously, she continued working remotely in corporate branding, her specialisation for more than 15 years.

“My late father always said, ‘Your kids are lent to you, not given to you,’” she says. “I didn’t want to be one of those micromanaging mothers. I’ve always been my own person.” She was also motivated by her desire to be financially stable enough not to need her children to look after her and her husband one day when they have their own children to support.

“The Torah says that you stop learning only when you’re dead,” she says. “I don’t want to be one of those people who just exist and have nothing to do. The busier your life is, the more fulfilled you are and the less nonsense you worry about. That’s my philosophy.”