A sorry tale

Sorry seems to be the hardest word, as Elton John sang in the song of that name. It’s so true, because saying sorry requires humility, vulnerability, and a willingness to accept responsibility for having done something wrong. 

This week, we have witnessed Roedean School’s leadership making excuses, blatantly lying, and covering up the fact that it chose not to play King David’s top girls’ teams in tennis because it didn’t want to play against a Jewish school. But it went as far as letting the King David High School teams come to the school in expectation of playing, only to be turned away. 

The whole saga just leaves a really bad taste in our mouth. Now, we understand that antisemitism exists, but if that’s who you are, own up to it and deal with what comes your way. Don’t make up stories. Don’t hire a public relations company to make what you did sound and look better, ignoring the facts. Own it or simply apologise, because you know it was wrong. 

Either way, be true to yourselves, especially when you are a school that was once built on strong morals and ethics. But even more important is the fact that as an educational institution, you are setting an example to young, inquiring minds who will take what you – the adults and those meant to be role models setting the standards for pupils – do and internalise it into their lives and the way they behave in future. 

So, if you set an example that racism of any kind is acceptable, that’s what you are teaching your children. If you give your children the power to say, “I won’t play with those children because they are different” and get away with it, then you are teaching your children that prejudice and racism is acceptable in this world. 

I believe that goes against everything we want our children to learn and become. I, for one, believe in debate and discussion, and I want my children to challenge norms. I want them to question. That’s what we are taught as Jews. We question. We don’t just accept everything. 

However, I don’t accept lying, cheating, and any form of racism. And an educational institution in this country, which understands the devastating reality of racism, should know better. 

If I was a parent at a school where racism was acceptable from either the school itself, the pupils, or the parents, I would not want my children educated there. It’s simple: teach children that racism or othering of people is acceptable, and you are breeding a society of racists. 

Like many who have been interested in this story, I keep going back to the conversation with Lorraine Srage, in which the principal of Roedean admitted that she was under pressure from the parent body not to play against a Jewish school. However, it was what she said next that was most telling. “At the moment,” she said, “it’s presenting as a Jewish day school issue”, and she went on to say that it could get bigger than that. 

That’s the reality. Racism begets racism. What starts out as a “Jewish issue” becomes something far bigger than that. Racism cannot be allowed to fester in our schools. Surely we have learnt our lesson, or is racism against Jews acceptable? 

This is, as the Roedean principal herself clearly understood in the discussion, how hatred begins. Exclude one person/group/community with the message that their identity makes them unacceptable, and you start a racial epidemic that will grow. It might spread to other schools, or it might just grow wings and include people of mixed race, people of different genders, and so on …  

This is what Roedean is teaching its pupils by allowing for the exclusion of King David tennis players. 

The reality is that instead of denying the undeniable, rather than making up alternative stories to fit, Roedean simply needs to apologise publicly. If it thought that it had done the right thing, it wouldn’t have needed to make up stories. It would have told the truth. It wouldn’t have needed to obfuscate. It would have called its opposition to Jews what it is. 

But it didn’t, and still hasn’t accepted responsibility. 

I know when I’ve done something I’m not proud of and know is wrong, there are always two options. In all honesty, apology is hard. I get it. It’s never easy to eat humble pie and admit for whatever reason, that I was wrong. 

There’s always the bad option of blaming someone else or lying. The best option is always to tell the truth and own up to what we did – right or wrong. Honesty is the best policy! 

Perhaps it’s true that nobody wants to admit publicly to have made an antisemitic decision. However, the truth has a way of coming out. And no matter how tough it is to apologise, it’s always the better option. Own up to it, apologise, take the flack or punishment that comes with it, and move forward. 

As educators, teaching your children to take responsibility for what they have done wrong is the best lesson you can teach. By doing that, you build leaders, people who can be vulnerable and honest. You create a better South Africa, and become better educators in the process. 

The alternative is too awful to contemplate. I really hope Roedean recognises this, does the right thing, and we can all put this ugly experience behind us and move on to playing a game of equality tennis. 

Shabbat shalom! 

Peta Krost 

Editor