Spreading Eli Kay’s light

As we commemorate another Yom Hazikaron, one following so much loss, the fact that my brother, Eli Kay, who was murdered almost two years before 7 October is still being remembered on this day, says everything about who Eli was and what his story represents.

As a family member of a terror victim, I don’t need a specific day of the year to remember my brother, I think about him every single day. So in some ways, Yom Hazikaron isn’t really for me. It’s for everyone else. And especially after this past year, a day like this can feel overwhelmingly heavy. Where do you even begin?

In a strange way, I think of Yom Hazikaron as a moment to pause, take time out of our lives, and connect with the people who gave theirs for us. As a nation, we’re emotionally exhausted. But still, we show up. And even though there are too many names and stories, we are also many, which means we each have the chance to remember and learn something from every single one.

As a young adult who carries the weight of death at an age no-one should have to, I’ve realised that we have to find some kind of balance. Yom Hazikaron gives us the space to feel the pain and the weight of our losses. But then we have to learn how to leave the heaviness behind and carry forward the strength and love we felt on that day.

Eli, who was murdered on 21 November 2021, continues to inspire us with his love for life, his curiosity, his thirst for experience, and constant search for meaning. We should hold on to that, especially on Yom Hazikaron, and even more so afterward.

This year, I’m choosing to spend Yom Hazikaron with Eli’s friends, people I’ve come to love over the past few years, at his grave. It’s an event that has, sadly, become a tradition. But I’ve learned how to choose what I take with me from that day.

I leave behind the intense pain and carry forward the love and meaning, bringing it with me into Yom Ha’atzmaut. That’s when I’ll be with my family and friends, soaking up the only public holiday we’ve got, one we take very seriously in this overworked little country.

Yom Hazikaron isn’t just about mourning, it’s about connection, meaning, and remembering who we’ve lost in a way that gives us strength. For me, that means holding onto Eli’s light and using it to go forward, one day at a time.

• Na’ama Kay is Eli Kay’s sister.