ChaiFM ensures no one’s eating alone on Rosh Hashanah

The image of Rosh Hashanah is often of a packed table, with family squeezed together, familiar foods being passed around, and the noise that comes with celebrating a chag. Yet for some, the approaching festival has brought a much quieter question: where am I going to go? 

It’s a question ChaiFM chief executive Howard Feldman realised more people may be asking than the community knows. 

Working in community radio gives Feldman an unusual window into what people are experiencing. Listeners communicate with the station constantly and, through those conversations, he began noticing a need that wasn’t being spoken about openly. 

“We sometimes get a sense of people’s immediate emotional needs,” he says. “Although many of us are surrounded by family, there are people in our community who’ve moved here from another town, are recently divorced, or whose children have emigrated. People are lonely and don’t necessarily have the support structures that many of us are blessed to have.” 

That prompted Feldman to launch a ChaiFM initiative matching people who don’t have somewhere to spend Rosh Hashanah with community members willing to open their homes. “We thought we would put it out there and get a sense of how big the need is. The response has been tremendous, both from people offering to host and from those needing somewhere to go.” 

The people reaching out aren’t necessarily those one might expect to be alone. Feldman received a message from someone who’d recently moved from Cape Town and didn’t yet know many people in Johannesburg. Others are older, with children or family no longer nearby. 

“For me, it’s about creating a sense of warmth within the community and letting people know that they are valued,” he says. “It’s also about recognising that this isn’t going to be a once-off. Hopefully, it’s something that will grow.” 

At the time Feldman spoke to the SA Jewish Report, about 10 people were looking for somewhere to spend Rosh Hashanah, while 13 or 14 had offered to host. 

For Feldman, that imbalance is a reassuring reflection of the community rather than a surprise. “We are a fantastic community. South African Jews are so keen to reach out and assist each other. We just need to be shown the need and given a way to help, and we’ll do it. 

“That’s why it didn’t surprise me that we had more people offering to host than people requesting a place. I think that’s who we are as a community.” 

However, having more than enough hosts doesn’t remove one of the biggest barriers to the initiative, asking. “I think it’s harder to ask for a place than it is to offer to host,” Feldman says. 

Recognising that vulnerability has shaped the way ChaiFM is running the programme. One person is dedicated to managing the process, with Feldman overseeing it, and the identities of those seeking somewhere to go kept private. There is no list circulated among potential hosts, and when someone asked for one, Feldman refused. 

“We have to be respectful of the people asking us for a place,” he says. Instead, ChaiFM has approached potential hosts privately and asked whether they would be comfortable welcoming a particular person. “It’s a two-way street, and hopefully we can remove that element of discomfort.” 

Nor is it simply a matter of finding an empty chair. ChaiFM asks three questions of hosts and guests: where they live, their general age group, and their level of religious observance. “We ask about religious observance on both sides and match people accordingly,” Feldman says. 

There is, admittedly, no sophisticated matchmaking formula behind the scenes. Feldman is largely relying on instinct and plans to check in after the chag to find out how the experience went for both sides. “I’ll be phoning people after yomtov to make sure it went well on both sides. I feel a bit like a matchmaker, which isn’t a natural calling for me at all. At this stage, I’m just going with my gut.” 

The success of the initiative won’t necessarily be measured only by the number of matches ChaiFM makes. Feldman has approached rabbis and shuls in different communities to help spread the message, hoping it will also encourage people to notice those around them. 

“Hopefully, it creates awareness, even if people don’t go through us. It may make someone stop and think, ‘Maybe there’s somebody in our community we should invite.’ That’s really the whole idea.” 

The idea is already stretching beyond Rosh Hashanah. Feldman intends to repeat it for Sukkot and believes that, once the station has an effective system in place, there’s no reason it couldn’t eventually work for an ordinary Shabbat. “This is about creating community spirit, warmth, and sensitivity,” he says. 

For now, Feldman is the first to admit that he’s figuring it out as he goes. “I’m absolutely winging it. Sometimes an idea is enough if it comes from a good place and with good intentions. Please G-d, it’ll go well.”