Post-traumatic stress counsellor Debbi Rozowsky has just released a book, Having to Step Up, that focuses on dealing with trauma. The SA Jewish Report caught up with her.
Why did you write Having to Step Up?
I’ve experienced so many of the issues my clients face, and this book, while primarily a memoir, offers the reader many practical and inspirational ways to step up in their own lives. With all the information I’ve gleaned from studying and from my clients’ input over 25 years, I have a lot of knowledge relatable to every reader to share. I use case studies of sessions I have had with my clients to highlight similar issues that I’ve faced in my life, but I changed names and put in a few “red herrings” to guarantee client confidentiality.
What drew you to trauma counselling?
In a crisis, we can step up, step aside and pretend it’s not happening, or fall down. I am by nature someone who has stepped up to the many traumas I have had to face in my life, and have overcome them by doing so. I show the reader how they too, can step up to life’s challenges.
Can you tell us about the trauma you experienced?
I was a victim of a bomb blast in Johannesburg in 1989, which I write about in the book. As a result, I developed post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD) which lasted seven years. I sought help, but in South Africa at the time, there was hardly any professional who had knowledge of PTSD. I moved back to my home city, Cape Town, and through a psychologist there, learned about volunteer counsellors that the South African Police Service (SAPS) was seeking to train. I joined, and only in training by psychologists from the Trauma Centre for Violence and Torture, did I learn about PTSD. I worked for the SAPS for six years before opening my own practice. I didn’t want anyone else to question why they were feeling so dysregulated after surviving crime.
I had to face growing up with my father, as my mother decided to leave the family when I was eight years old. I had to deal with a stepmother that I believe was mentally unstable; the bomb which was planted on the outside wall of my bedroom; parenting a child who is on the autistic spectrum; dealing with a gambling addiction; and surviving cancer and multiple losses, most notably that of my husband.
How did you get through it?
I’m an extremely positive and resilient person. I had to deal with what I faced, and I did it with courage, knowledge (and humour!)
How has your own trauma helped you to help others?
There are a limited amount of emotions, behaviour, and somatic responses that we share as human beings. Having experienced a great deal of these, I can relate, and most importantly, I can offer my clients insights and knowledge that I might never have gained other than through clinical learning.
How do you get through moments of joy and despair in your work?
A client will generally have dysregulation of the nervous system after trauma and an excess of adrenalin and cortisol in the body. They don’t feel like their usual self, and have emotional, physical, and behavioural changes such as hyper-vigilance, which they haven’t experienced before. They come to the session in a state of despair and after the session, they are much more contained. This is done by unburdening themselves about what’s happening to them. I explain the symptoms that may follow and how to deal with them, normalising their appropriate reaction, and when appropriate, they box my boxing bag and release their adrenalin, and just this action will make them feel more grounded and like their old selves. Information and practical ways of dealing with their trauma brings it down considerably. In further sessions, we explore other issues that have come up as a result of their trauma, and deal with those too.
Who have you written this book for and what do you hope they will gain from it?
I wrote the book for those who, perhaps, had imperfect parenting, struggled with self-esteem, self-soothed at times, and felt invisible, shamed, or not quite good enough. This book is for all readers as all of us can relate to many of the topics in the book. I hope that they’ll gain insight into how to overcome their own challenges, courage, and the knowledge to step up.
What was it like to write this book?
I wrote parts of the book three times over. My computer wiped out my first two manuscripts for some reason. I was really upset about it the first time but the second time, I decided to believe that it wasn’t good enough and I was meant to start again. I learned from a fellow author about editing. There are parts of my life that I have left out of the book, but in my quest for authenticity and vulnerability, I have exposed my past in the hope of giving others permission to share a little of themselves to safe people. Disclosure brings about intimacy and connection, and that’s what everyone wants in their lives.
When we have traumatic experiences, what steps do we need to take?
We think we can plan how we’ll deal with traumatic events. We think either we’ll be Superman or we’ll freeze. The wonderful thing about our brain is that we’re equipped with an innate survival mechanism that tells the conscious mind exactly how to survive the trauma while it is happening. We can fight, physically or verbally. We can flee, we can freeze and become obedient and go with the flow, and we can also fawn, which is people pleasing. All these options aren’t conscious, but once the unconscious has selected the most appropriate reaction to the circumstances, we go with it for our survival. If you think about how old you are today, every choice that you have made consciously or unconsciously has kept you alive until today. We’re more resilient than we think. Counselling is extremely important for the trauma or crime survivor as it offers a way back through understanding and a confidential space to say your truth without judgement.
Is surviving crime very different to other types of trauma? If so, how?
Traumas include car accidents, fires, train accidents, crime, divorce, death, illness, retirement, acute problems in the marriage, teenage angst, addictions, and dealing with or witnessing these in other people close to you. It’s essentially a sudden negative experience but there is also CPTSD (complex post-traumatic disorder) which is trauma and PTSD in which the events have been repeated over a long time. This could include childhood abandonment, abuse, feeling physically or emotionally unsafe, and it could include people who have been kidnapped and held for some time. Trauma comes from many triggers, and we don’t compare, because everyone’s trauma is real for them whether or not it’s perceived to be pertinent in relation to other people’s.
What do you hope to achieve with this book?
I hope to assist others. I added information from worldwide experts on the brain, relationships, addiction, and other topics, and I believe it’s going to be a valuable and interesting book for all readers.
- To order the book, go to: debbirozowsky.co.za
