The ultimate Joburg staycation

As 16 December – South Africa’s unofficial national breakup day – approaches, Johannesburg Jews gear up for their annual coastal migration, trading in the streets of Glenhazel for the sandy shores of Robberg and Clifton.

Those left behind may feel a mix of FOMO (fear of missing out) and schadenfreude – missing out on seaside adventures but secretly delighting in dodging Cape Town’s gridlock and Plett’s inevitable downpours – while basking in the perks of staying put.

Quiet streets, prime parking, and no lines at KosherWorld? Yes, please. And guess what? Joburg summers aren’t half bad, with plenty of activities to keep you and your kids entertained while the rest of the city debates which beach has the least wind.

For outdoorsy types

Feeling stuck in the urban jungle? A quick drive out of Johannesburg could take you straight to some beautiful hiking trails where you can immerse yourself in nature while still enjoying the comfort of your own bed at night. The Hennops Hiking Trail and Rietvlei Trails offer exciting day trips with routes for every fitness level.

Closer to home, you can leash up your furry friends and head to the revitalised The Wilds Nature Reserve on the edge of Houghton. With its sprawling 16 hectares of greenery and creative outdoor artwork by the talented James Delaney, it’s a hidden gem for kids and adults.

For an educational twist, explore the Cradle of Humankind. The Maropeng Visitor Centre and Sterkfontein Caves offer a fascinating mix of adventure and ancient history.

For kids

December promises plenty of kid-friendly fun. Movie buffs can say “you’re welcome” to the much-anticipated Moana 2 or sing along with the new Wicked movie. You can also head to the Museum of Illusions at Rosebank Zone for some mind-bending exhibits and Insta-worth photo ops. For those who need to burn off energy, Total Ninja in Stoneridge will have them channelling their inner American Ninja Warrior, while trampoline parks like Rush in Greenstone or Bounce in Mall of Africa deliver joy for those looking for a more classic jumping experience.

Looking to break a sweat? Go ice skating at the Northgate Ice Rink or rollerblading at RollEgoli in Bryanston. For bike lovers, the Cycle Lab Bike Park in Bryanston or Eduplex in Pretoria are fantastic options where you can BYOB (bring your own bike).

When the weather turns dodgy, the Fun Company (which has branches all over Johannesburg) offers bumper cars, ten-pin bowling, and arcade games galore. And don’t miss mini-golf! Whether at the Fun Company or Adventure Golf, just be prepared for the kids to outscore you, even if you bring your own putter.

For a classic family outing, there’s always Gold Reef City, our very own tumultdic Disneyland, or venture out to Irene Dairy Farm in Centurion, where kids can chase after farm animals while you sip on fresh milk and imagine a simpler life.

For adults

Let’s face it: streaming marathons are a legitimate holiday plan. Top picks include the laugh-out-loud Jury Duty (Amazon Prime) and Slow Horses (Apple TV), or the sci-fi drama Silo (Apple TV). For something more poignant, try We Were the Lucky Ones for a remarkable Holocaust drama.

Feeling social? Sip cocktails with a view at the Bar at the Top of Leonardo, perched atop Africa’s tallest building. Or explore the buzzing Prison Break Market in Lonehill, packed with artisanal food, drinks, and crafts.

Golfers mourning the loss of Plett Country Club can find solace in Joburg’s world-class courses like Steyn City, or try Hot Shots at the World of Golf for a high-tech, competitive twist on the driving range.

So, as you can see, Joburg has more than enough to keep you busy these holidays. From outdoor adventures to family fun and even a little indulgence for the adults, a “staycation” might just prove that you don’t need the beach to have a blast. Now if only we could find some local granadilla lollies to enjoy by the pool…

• Antony Seeff is an entrepreneur in the health-tech industry and a proud Joburger.